Badtaplarg is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, almighty shark.

Badtaplarg created humankind two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Badtaplarg, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Badtaplarg, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Badtaplarg's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Badtaplarg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from gray whales for they are unholy.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Always obey Badtaplarg's priests.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.