Haklakpakmegbomrap is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, omniscient squid.

Haklakpakmegbomrap created the universe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haklakpakmegbomrap, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Haklakpakmegbomrap, he will turn you into a frog.

Haklakpakmegbomrap's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Haklakpakmegbomrap's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about bacteria.

2. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

3. Haklakpakmegbomrap must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never wear ear rings.