Ab Batabstik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, compassionate goose.

Ab Batabstik created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ab Batabstik, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ab Batabstik, she will turn you into a hamster.

Ab Batabstik's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Ab Batabstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about solid mechanics.

2. Never write about eukaryotes.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never wear black shirts.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.