Laggovbarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unjust narwhal.

Laggovbarn created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laggovbarn, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Laggovbarn, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Laggovbarn's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Laggovbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about electromagnetism.

5. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.