Cipbonkmif is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, pitiless hamster.

Cipbonkmif created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cipbonkmif, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cipbonkmif, he will turn you into a snail.

Cipbonkmif's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Cipbonkmif's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

2. Never go into black rooms.

3. Run away if four nematodes approach from the east.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.