Cumquatril is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, moody raccoon.

Cumquatril created a top quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Cumquatril, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Cumquatril, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Cumquatril's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Cumquatril's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from indigo swans for they are unholy.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Do not hurt eagles.

5. Never talk about fire.