Larpganstan is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, intelligent warg.

Larpganstan created life eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larpganstan, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Larpganstan, it will jump up and down on your head.

Larpganstan's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Larpganstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near snails while wearing cyan dresses and balancing seven copper spheres on your hands.

3. Never think ill of sick turtles.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always look after injured eagles.