Kemlanbad is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, overgenerous fly.

Kemlanbad created the Sunflower Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemlanbad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kemlanbad, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Kemlanbad's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Kemlanbad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Never bounce in the presence of doves.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Worship no other gods but Kemlanbad.