Bumponquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, cheerful rhinoceros.

Bumponquaf created the cosmos five million years ago.

If you believe in Bumponquaf, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bumponquaf, he will send minions to preach to you.

Bumponquaf's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Bumponquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

2. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

3. Bumponquaf loves goats, so they must be respected.

4. Do not eat coconuts.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near mites while wearing violet jumpers and balancing five silicon spheres on your feet.