Flatvogjin is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, dishonourable ferret.

Flatvogjin created a Higgs boson seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flatvogjin, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flatvogjin, she will boil you in a big pot.

Flatvogjin's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Flatvogjin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always help foxes.

3. Do not kill goats.

4. Do not wear red clothing.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.