Tonkzan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, sage unicorn.

Tonkzan created a Higgs boson five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkzan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tonkzan, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tonkzan's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Tonkzan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

2. Always help swans.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.