Quatbastsid is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, duplicitous aardvark.

Quatbastsid created a quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatbastsid, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Quatbastsid, he will turn you into a plant.

Quatbastsid's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Quatbastsid's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Quatbastsid loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Quatbastsid.