Futmabnurlfid is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, witty hippopotamus.

Futmabnurlfid created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Futmabnurlfid, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Futmabnurlfid, she will cry a lot.

Futmabnurlfid's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Futmabnurlfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never talk about tapirs.