Kemfosstig is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, sage troll.

Kemfosstig created Africa eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemfosstig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kemfosstig, he will turn you into a mole.

Kemfosstig's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Kemfosstig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

2. Never write about photosynthesis.

3. Always treat mice with great respect.

4. Never feed oranges to horses while wearing green kilts.

5. Kemfosstig loves sheep, so they must be honoured.