Kik is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, calm hippopotamus.

Kik created a top quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kik, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kik, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Kik's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Kik's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat bananas.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Kik.

5. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Kik in the centre of the settlement.