Metbatfen is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, humorless chinchilla.

Metbatfen created a bottom quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Metbatfen, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Metbatfen, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Metbatfen's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Metbatfen's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.