Lopdossvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, two-faced elephant.

Lopdossvonk created Africa nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopdossvonk, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lopdossvonk, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lopdossvonk's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Lopdossvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant near eagles.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lopdossvonk.

3. Do not take Lopdossvonk's name in vain.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.