Dapdibwik is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-knowing tortoise.

Dapdibwik created the world three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapdibwik, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dapdibwik, it will cry a lot.

Dapdibwik's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Dapdibwik's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not keep five tortoises in a large pit.

3. You must never eat lemons.

4. Never paint your feet mauve.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.