Nullweebancin is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, contented narwhal.

Nullweebancin created a bottom quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nullweebancin, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nullweebancin, it will boil you in a big pot.

Nullweebancin's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Nullweebancin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never feed aubergines to snails while wearing corsets.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. You must never eat melons.