Hatloophom is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, slow badger.

Hatloophom created Europe five million years ago.

If you believe in Hatloophom, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hatloophom, it will send you a sign.

Hatloophom's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Hatloophom's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Run away from mauve whales, for they are unholy.

5. Hatloophom must be the most important thing in your life.