Dutstigpan is a god.

He takes the form of a large, ill-tempered porpoise.

Dutstigpan created time and space four million years ago.

If you believe in Dutstigpan, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dutstigpan, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Dutstigpan's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Dutstigpan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. You must never eat peanuts.

4. Do not eat onions.

5. Do not keep four badgers in a large pit.