Quimcitvig is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, loving human.

Quimcitvig created a bottom quark four years ago.

If you believe in Quimcitvig, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quimcitvig, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quimcitvig's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Quimcitvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fluid mechanics near ducks while wearing orange dresses.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quimcitvig.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Always pray immersed in water.