Bitsisfon is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, all-knowing elephant.

Bitsisfon created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitsisfon, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bitsisfon, she will turn you into a slug.

Bitsisfon's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Bitsisfon's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Retreat if nine seals approach from the west.