Gutfotzim Afartaf is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, compassionate badger.

Gutfotzim Afartaf created the planet Earth eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutfotzim Afartaf, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gutfotzim Afartaf, she will turn you into a mouse.

Gutfotzim Afartaf's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Gutfotzim Afartaf's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never laugh near porpoises.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gutfotzim Afartaf.

4. Do not wear black clothing.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.