Matlikpangmet is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, self-assured bear.

Matlikpangmet created everything that exists two billion years ago.

If you believe in Matlikpangmet, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Matlikpangmet, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Matlikpangmet's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Matlikpangmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick pigs.

2. Never talk about special relativity near rats while wearing indigo scarves and balancing four tin spheres on your feet.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in black.