Flatxuckrat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, kind eagle.

Flatxuckrat created tapeworms three million years ago.

If you believe in Flatxuckrat, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Flatxuckrat, he will make you grow a tail.

Flatxuckrat's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Flatxuckrat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nebulae.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never think about optics near ants while wearing white dresses and balancing five titanium spheres on your face.

4. Never hurt nematodes.

5. Never think about moons.