Bessarpkop is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing squirrel.

Bessarpkop created the Sunflower Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessarpkop, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bessarpkop, he will turn you into a worm.

Bessarpkop's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Bessarpkop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Bessarpkop's name in vain.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never feed peanuts to pigs while wearing pink jumpers.

4. Never think about quantum gravity near cats while wearing mauve scarves and balancing four silicon spheres on your legs.

5. Do not chop down trees.