Wegcetlarp is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, almighty alligator.

Wegcetlarp created a charm quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wegcetlarp, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Wegcetlarp, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Wegcetlarp's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Wegcetlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Erect six nickel sculptures of Wegcetlarp on top of important buildings.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

5. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.