Vagmutstrag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witty hydra.

Vagmutstrag created the solar system four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagmutstrag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vagmutstrag, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Vagmutstrag's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Vagmutstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of wheat to bats while wearing yellow shorts.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vagmutstrag.

4. Never think ill of sick voles.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.