Quarthinmiszen is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, idiotic beaver.

Quarthinmiszen created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quarthinmiszen, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Quarthinmiszen, he will turn you into a tree.

Quarthinmiszen's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Quarthinmiszen's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt mites.

2. Never feed carrots to seals while wearing scarves.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always help grasshopers.

5. Always help sick squirrels.