Tunfetfas is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, smart tortoise.

Tunfetfas created carbon four years ago.

If you believe in Tunfetfas, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tunfetfas, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Tunfetfas' most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tunfetfas' Holy Commandments

1. Always treat whales with great respect.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not shave your legs.