Quartjenpad is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, staggering crow.

Quartjenpad created Asia two years ago.

If you believe in Quartjenpad, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quartjenpad, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Quartjenpad's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Quartjenpad's Holy Commandments

1. Quartjenpad loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

2. Always look after injured tortoises.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.