Zanmetgodkim is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, selfish fairy.

Zanmetgodkim created the planet Venus six million years ago.

If you believe in Zanmetgodkim, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zanmetgodkim, he will throw large rocks at you.

Zanmetgodkim's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Zanmetgodkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not speak about figs.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.