Goftifhiv is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, deceitful manatee.

Goftifhiv created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Goftifhiv, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Goftifhiv, it will try to impress you with trees.

Goftifhiv's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Goftifhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never go into white rooms.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.