Fombonbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a small, awe-inspiring pig.

Fombonbarn created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Fombonbarn, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fombonbarn, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Fombonbarn's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Fombonbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about pineapples.

2. Never talk about sheep.

3. Never talk about dark energy.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near badgers while wearing white corsets and balancing six aluminium spheres on your arms.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.