Teenjinmat is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, vain snail.

Teenjinmat created dark energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenjinmat, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Teenjinmat, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Teenjinmat's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Teenjinmat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

2. Never feed figs to seals while wearing kilts.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near mice while wearing yellow tights and balancing eight titanium spheres on your head.