Flowhaddapmobgil is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, stupid pig.

Flowhaddapmobgil created a charm quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flowhaddapmobgil, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flowhaddapmobgil, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Flowhaddapmobgil's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Flowhaddapmobgil's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

2. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not wear yellow clothing.

5. Always wear red.