Metpidvan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fussy fairy.

Metpidvan created energy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Metpidvan, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Metpidvan, she will not invite you to parties.

Metpidvan's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Metpidvan's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight horses approach from the south.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. You must never eat tomatoes.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.