Tik is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, boastful wren.

Tik created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tik, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tik, he will turn you into a hamster.

Tik's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Tik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate mice.

5. Run away if three pigs approach from the north.