Talwegnul Nelsaklapmilbed is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, witty ant.

Talwegnul Nelsaklapmilbed created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Talwegnul Nelsaklapmilbed, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Talwegnul Nelsaklapmilbed, she will turn you into a mouse.

Talwegnul Nelsaklapmilbed's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Talwegnul Nelsaklapmilbed's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never eat melons.

3. Always help sick mites.

4. Do not speak about coconuts.

5. Erect seven lead sculptures of Talwegnul Nelsaklapmilbed on top of important buildings.