Kadkadben is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unjust mink.

Kadkadben created a top quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadkadben, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kadkadben, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Kadkadben's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Kadkadben's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kadkadben.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never talk about special relativity near snakes while wearing mauve dresses and balancing six carbon spheres on your hands.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always take life seriously.