Hapvonkpom is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, all-knowing goblin.

Hapvonkpom created an atom six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapvonkpom, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hapvonkpom, she will turn you into a rock.

Hapvonkpom's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Hapvonkpom's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange moths for they are unholy.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Hapvonkpom loves cats, so they must be honoured.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Do not dye your hair brown.