Tifmuttarg is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, deceitful tapir.

Tifmuttarg created light five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifmuttarg, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tifmuttarg, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tifmuttarg's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Tifmuttarg's Holy Commandments

1. Tifmuttarg must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Hide from magenta voles for they are unholy.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate foxes.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.