Cetpanyost is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, compassionate cow.

Cetpanyost created the planet Mars three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetpanyost, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cetpanyost, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Cetpanyost's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Cetpanyost's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into yellow rooms.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.