Tompangflow is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, fast dugong.

Tompangflow created the Black Eye Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tompangflow, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tompangflow, he will boil you in a big pot.

Tompangflow's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Tompangflow's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near pigs while wearing fawn shirts.

4. Do not kill whales.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Tompangflow.