Vanarmzim Piglidxin Tofjathot is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unjust hedgehog.

Vanarmzim Piglidxin Tofjathot created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanarmzim Piglidxin Tofjathot, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vanarmzim Piglidxin Tofjathot, he will jump up and down on your head.

Vanarmzim Piglidxin Tofjathot's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Vanarmzim Piglidxin Tofjathot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Frogs are not to be trusted.

3. Never talk about dark energy near ants while wearing magenta jumpers and balancing nine nickel spheres on your head.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not chop down trees.