Lapnadlak is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, charitable troll.

Lapnadlak created a top quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapnadlak, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lapnadlak, it will turn you into a dog.

Lapnadlak's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Lapnadlak's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine shrews approach from the east.

2. Never think about comets.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Hide from cyan doves for they are unholy.