Kabcadnigfly is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, witless gerbil.

Kabcadnigfly created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabcadnigfly, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kabcadnigfly, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Kabcadnigfly's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Kabcadnigfly's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near geese while wearing orange dresses and balancing eight iron spheres on your legs.

2. Always help great tits in need.

3. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.