Kinvonkdonquim is a god.

It takes the form of a small, almighty penguin.

Kinvonkdonquim created matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kinvonkdonquim, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kinvonkdonquim, it will turn you into a worm.

Kinvonkdonquim's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Kinvonkdonquim's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

2. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never write about eukaryotes.