Gatwontigsin is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, boastful raccoon.

Gatwontigsin created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gatwontigsin, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gatwontigsin, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gatwontigsin's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Gatwontigsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Gatwontigsin on top of important buildings.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not listen to music.